You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
