I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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