Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
