i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
