i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
