omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
