last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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