The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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