I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
