I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
