don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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