Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
