What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
