its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize