woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
