I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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