Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
