i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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