I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
