God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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