hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
