he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
