Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
