We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
