What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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