no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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