I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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