Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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