This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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