remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
