dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
