At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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