I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you traded sex for a burrito?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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