Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
