using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just cut my nipple shaving
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
