chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
