you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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