Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize