pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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