Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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