You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
