i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
