I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
