I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
