I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
