I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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