I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
