This is not my ceiling
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
