hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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