i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
