I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
