I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
