dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
