So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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