girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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