so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
