I must be too annoying 4 u.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My vagina just clenched in fear
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
