Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
