ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
