Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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