im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
