I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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