can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
