I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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