I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
