my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
