i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
