Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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