i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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