Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize