the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
