Someone shit on the floor
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
