two words: eviction party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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