I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
