He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
