According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My penis needs a shock collar
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
