You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize