also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
