Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
