it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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