She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
