my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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