I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
