You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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