Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
