Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I died a long time ago.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
