I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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