All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize