We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
