The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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