there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
