He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Randomize
