one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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