last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
