He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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