Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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