WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
third nipple confirmed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
