She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
