it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
