fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
