His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
