I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
