i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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