I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
