If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
