trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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