last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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