i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
