I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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